how long till we really grow up
do you even realise how childish/gullible/naiive we are
hopefully we'll turn out to be a fine gentleman/lady
not those who bear hate and fury
but one who has a heart of gold and spreads goodness around


met some who gives limitlessly
others might deem them as foolish but they just cant stop giving

met some who sting on every lil' thing
but are they happy, truly?


envious i am, of those who got plenty of _____ from some people
anxious i am, for better things to come my way
ashamed i am, of myself for not being that great (or even good)
curious i am, of how you will (or wont) change

this is what i almost sent out to some of my friends (py, hk, char, xx)

Dear friends,
to whoever that is reading this, I have a simple message to convey. I no longer find any meaning to life and it is all just a passing image to me. There seem to be nothing out there for me to strive for, nothing exciting or intriguing enough to keep me alive. To myself, I am simply dead. souless. empty. many a time i still think of you, my close friends, but only to long for the good old days or to condemn myself for not treasuring you guys. life isn't supposed to be so dull and miserable. it was vibrant, but colourful is it to me no more. i can still laugh, joke, play a fool, but that image does not stay for long. darkness, loneliness overwhelms me. i feel sad, but my eyes are dry. somehow, i don't think i'm going to enjoy life even if it continues. i look at others, look at the adults, the matured, the old ones, and the younger ones. what's there more to life than all that i've seen? and what i have seen hasn't impressed/inspired me much too. do i just need a change in environment or am i really bored to death with living. i do not know. but this hasn't just happened overnight, i guess it just worsened over the past months. do not panic, i still haven't plan my death yet, just feeling the need to pour my feelings out and lay it down in black n white so i am clear of my situation. just want to share some innermost thoughts that run through my mind almost daily nowadays. but even when i look at death now, it seems so bland to me that i won't even bother thinking about it twice. death is just death...lor. i don't exactly know what i'm trying to convery here, but i just kind of wanted to write it out. or maybe just write it off (if you get what i mean). *sigh* where is me? okay, if you don't get my last qns, i'm simply asking, where is the old me, ok? ha

[ but i doubt they'll ever read it here]

here i am, lying in my own dug grave again.