Why is it whenever I don’t see you I see the best of you; but whenever I am with you it only disappoints me to find so many flaws and letdowns from you.
Is it because I expect too much? Is it all just my illusion of a perfect world? Or are things just not going the way it should be?
Maybe there are really many things that you and I can improve on. Maybe you are still not sensitive enough to my feelings; maybe I too, am not treating you to the best of my abilities.
So many issues bugging me, though it merely a few months since we started. Is it all necessary; is it all just the start to a looming end ahead?
I fear what I said I fear not.
I realized I hate this stage of life. Hate the transition between school days and working life.
I don’t want to grow up; I don’t want to carry such a heavy burden.
I’m still a kid or at least, I still want to be a kid.
I know this is childish but as adulthood approaches, I find that it is too stressful and I am lost inside in transition.
Lost without knowing which path to take; lost without any clue what is going to happen to me.
I look around, spotting many friends who has already chosen a course they want to study in university or has blended in to the workplace so easily like a leopard in the desert.
And me? I wonder day and night where would I go, what would I be in 2 years time when others are already setting long term goals in 5 to 10 years.
I always think I am a failure, that life wouldn’t have been this bad if certain choices weren’t made like they were.
For one, I shouldn’t have chosen a sub science class in sec 2 when I was easily qualified for pure science classes. (I blame it on my ignorance then regarding the pre-requisites)
Another crucial turning point was choosing to stay in pioneer jc after my 1st 3 months when I could have moved to Anderson jc with my aggregate of 11 points.
The major difference in attitude of the two schools played a major factor affecting the outcome of my A levels.
Now, I have to suffer the consequences of my mistakes, I have to live with the drastic changes in my life, and I have to face the results of my poor will to stand against the temptations of the man's laziness.

However, recently, many a times have I realized I am quite blessed actually. Good things happen to me out of the blue just because I was thinking about it, asking for it, or even praying about it.
I think I get the sense that God is looking out for me.
Twice, I have gotten a response from an university because I was worrying over not being able to get admitted. Although it’s just an interview to get into the course, it is definitely better than not getting any news at all.
Once, it had been a pretty bad day for me and on my way home, I asked for rain that night or the next day. And I got it.
These are just some of the examples of strange incidences that happened to me which made me feel that I’m being blessed. I hope things will improve from here and I won’t need to ask for anything anymore. That I won't feel dispair and be overwhelmed with sadness so many a times in a month. I wish...I wish that I can change to be more accepting and be accepted by others as well. That's it I guess, just a simple hope that will make my life bliss.